Friday, May 4, 2012

All too typical

A young charmer turned up at Oxbridge last night, wandered up to where Tali and I were standing, and introduced himself with a "hi whore".  When suitably rebuked (suitably for Oxbridge, where death rays are not allowed), he made small talk in a hesitant but nearly polite way for a few minutes, only to wander off to someone else - specifically, Oxbridge's esteemed Dean Martini Discovolante - with a merry cry of "fuk"....

What is it with these guys, I have to wonder?  Am I supposed to be impressed at their unconventionality, their daring, their free speaking?  All of us can say "fuk"; most of us can go one better and spell it.  We don't say it often, though, because we have more interesting things to say.

Is it an attempt to overawe us with his sheer raw alpha-maleness?  There is, in fact, a difference between an alpha male and an arsehole.  More people should be aware of this, especially people trying to be alpha males....

Or is this the phenomenon known as "negging", where members of what's called the "pick-up artist community" disparage women until their self-esteem is eroded until they will sleep with, well, pick-up artists?  Here's the thing, guys: women will want to be with you if you are actually fun to be with.  Most of your pick-up artists are going to die virgins, and even the ones who don't will only score with women who are damaged and/or stupid enough to fall for that tactic... women, in short, who aren't worth being with themselves.

Or is it just that awful sense of deficiency you seem to see so often these days, of someone who is acting destructively or unpleasantly because they have no idea how to do anything else?  Or no idea even of the rewards of doing anything else?  Someone who has been told, or told themselves, that good manners are for dorks and losers, and then wonders why nobody wants to be around them?

Whatever.  It's another case, I fear, where someone has come into a social medium - and "social" is one of the two key things about SL - and decided it's a good place to be antisocial.  I guess all the rest of us can do is sigh and move on....


  1. This is a very erudite discussion of a problem that I've always dismissed with the superficial observation that "there goes another jerk." Thank you for the lovely new word, "negging"!

    There are actually several possible reasons people behave like this, IMO.

    1. They are very young, and inexperienced. The only model they have for how to behave comes from TV and movies, and an equally inexperienced peer group.

    2. They are stupid. They never realize that this behavior isn't getting them anywhere, and so they continue to strike out.

    3. They actually live in a world where this behavioral model is the norm. How such lower class individuals obtain access to a computer in the first place is another and potentially disturbing question.

    4. They heard that Second Life is a den of depravity, and are just adopting an approach that they believe will help them fit in.

    But really, your penultimate paragraph nails it nicely for most. In other words, they are just jerks.

    You didn't say what happened to the gentleman after he greeted Dean Discovolante. Did they manage to find all the pieces yet?

    1. Hee! Martini was in a kindly mood; she let him live long enough to TP out....

  2. Glorf,

    Please accept my apology for the uncouth behavior from a member of my half of the population. I agree with Lindal's comments. Not only is it rude but it's blatant sexism. Sadly, as in RL these jerks are out there and our societies, whether virtual or real, are the poorer for it.



    1. Hee! Thank you, web, but you may be doing my half of the population too much credit... there is no shortage of jerks of the female persuasion, although, due to socialisation and gender roles and whatnot, they may express their jerkiness differently. But believe me, they are out there!

  3. "Or is this the phenomenon known as "negging", where members of what's called the "pick-up artist community" disparage women until their self-esteem is eroded until they will sleep with, well, pick-up artists?"

    Had a male roommate in the early 90s whose RL pickup lines were like that. Sort of a 'b----! come s--- my c---'...
    (a line I saw him use and succeed with on a complete stranger outside the 'stop and rob' near the apartment one afternoon).

    Shockingly... he was amazingly successful, and there was a different woman on his arm almost daily. Tried to chat with one waiting in our living room one night, as he was still busy with the one in line before her... and it was like speaking to a Martian... She was also one of the few I saw who I could not see signs of being 'strung out' on, thus my attempt at conversation...

    (I did talk her into walking out the door rather than waiting, via a polite 'WTF are doing here?')

    Was only a roommate for about 2 months though... was not a scene I wanted to be around, and he was severely unstable... It was one of those sudden "Crap, I need to make rent, anybody got somebody willing to take a room?" situations.

    1. It always amazes me when this "technique" works... I suppose a lot of the women it works on are, as you say, strung out, or otherwise too damaged to let it bother them.

      Or there is the not uncommon idea that they will be the ones to "straighten out" this "bad boy" and allow him to find true love (free clue, girls: you won't).

      I'm afraid my ideas must be too old-fashioned... this "negging" thing, OK, may get you sex with a human-shaped object, if you can't afford a RealDoll... Am I just too much of an old romantic for thinking there should be more to a relationship than that?